Dear ‘Scooter Bug’,
As I sit here thinking about what to write to you as you turn thirteen, I am finding it difficult to put into words all that is welled up in my heart. Thirteen years ago I had expectations of you as I held you in my hands for the first time. Don’t misunderstand me, it wasn’t like I preconceived those expectations, they just popped in there as I looked into your eyes, your heart. Words like Love, Beauty, Grace, and Wisdom are what describe those expectations…
As you know, my dad, Opa, is an alcoholic. Even though he was a physical presence in my home growing up, he was not a ‘father’ to me at all. If anything, he was a negative influence. As a result, most of my life I searched for an understanding of who I am. The questions; “Do I have what it takes?”, “Am I a man?”, “How do I be a ‘dad’?”, went unanswered for over 35 years. I tried so hard, yet in vain so many times, to be a good dad. I’ve done some pretty mean and ugly things that you’ve witnessed these past thirteen years…
It wasn’t until the last few years that I began to learn and understand God’s Love and ‘Fathering’ of me. So, with all my shortcomings it does surprise me when I look into your eyes and heart and see what I see…
I see a young woman who is full of Love, Beauty, Grace, and Wisdom:
I see a woman who Loves all people and things. Who Loves those that are hurting, who Loves to learn, Loves to discover new things. A woman who delights in Loving all. I am Delighted by your Love.
I see a woman who is full of Beauty outside, and inside. The way you walk, move and sit, the way you treat others, the way you present yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally is Captivating! I am Captivated by your Beauty.
I see a woman who is full of Grace. This is obvious to me as you watch me learn how to be a dad to you. You have shown more Grace to me alone, then I will ever understand. It is also obvious when I think of the countless times I’ve seen you interact with others in complicated situations, and seen Grace flowing from you in Amazing ways. I am Amazed by your Grace.
I see a woman who is full of Wisdom. You have taught me so much about life that it humbles me. Time and time again you are eager to share new things that you learn. I am humbled to confess that there are things I know now, that I would not have, except for you; things about animals, science, and life, things about Love, Beauty, Grace, and Wisdom. I can’t help but think of the times, that even through tears and difficulty, you explained and expressed yourself to me, to show me my ignorance and sway my heart to see the truth. I am Humbled by your Wisdom.
At this point, I don’t have expectations of you anymore, for the simple fact that it will take years for my expectations to catch up to who you are now, let alone who you are becoming. That brings me great Delight!
I know there is a God, I can see Him in you. Be blessed. Know that I love you. Always remember that you are a delight to me, and I am captivated, amazed, and humbled by who you are.
I Love you!